The Birth of River

By Magnolia Birth House Client, Tara Vose

My husband, Dylan, and I were overjoyed when our daughter, River, was born on December 13, 2019. While we always wanted to have children, our family grew a little sooner than we originally planned.

Before I became pregnant, I suffered from a medical condition that would force me to stay in the hospital for weeks at a time, profusely throwing up. For five years, cyclic vomiting syndrome completely tore apart my life. I missed work and meetings, and I felt like I was sitting in a hospital until there was nothing left. It was very depressing.

The doctor who diagnosed me with cyclic vomiting syndrome had tried everything, and nothing helped. He mentioned getting pregnant because it was possible the hormones would change my body. I was nervous, but my husband and I wanted to have a baby anyway. I thought, “Let’s try and see if pregnancy makes my condition go away.”

With my history of being in the hospital so much, I didn’t want my baby to be born in a hospital setting. I talked to a friend who had a home birth, and I searched online for midwives who would be covered by my insurance. Magnolia came up, and I thought it seemed like a good fit for who I am and what I wanted.

Before I conceived, I went to Magnolia and took a tour. I thought it was homey and the complete opposite of a hospital. When I got pregnant, I started my prenatal care at Magnolia, and the midwives, DellaReece and Jamarah, provided excellent care. I took childbirth education classes and followed everything I was supposed to do — took vitamins, drank prenatal smoothies, had acupuncture, and practiced yoga. I did everything right, and all of my appointments were good. The baby was healthy.

I had a little bit of morning sickness here and there, but it went away. I didn’t have a vomiting episode during my pregnancy. I used to get them every February and June, but those months came and went with no problems.

My estimated due date was November 27. I had met Dr. Spence's director earlier in my pregnancy for a risk assessment because of a thyroid condition. He said everything was OK with that. I got to 40 weeks and was not showing any signs of labor. Every couple of days, I had a non-stress test and ultrasound to make sure the baby and the placenta were healthy.

I was doing everything I could to induce labor naturally — acupuncture, chiropractic, massage, pumping, walking and bouncing on the birthing ball. Our doula, Sauda, a student doula from Project Motherpath, was really amazing. She was a friend and mediator who gave her opinions and perspectives and talked to us about whether our family should come to the hospital after River’s birth. She helped us see that, once the baby was born, our focus should be on the three of us and nobody else. Leading up to the birth, Sauda visited several times and constantly encouraged me to stay active. She walked with me at the park and on the beach

At the advice of DellaReece and Jamarah, I tried castor oil twice. Jamarah even met us at the birth center at 8 o’clock one evening to do a membrane sweep. They literally tried everything that they could up until the last moment so I could have the birth I envisioned. On Monday, December 9, I had another ultrasound, and Tamara talked to Dr. Spence. By Wednesday, December 11, I would be 42 weeks and wouldn’t be able to have the baby at Magnolia.

Coming to Terms With a Hospital Birth

Dr. Spence is an excellent doctor, and he is always in favor of honoring what the family wants. He spent a lot of time talking with us, but I was pretty upset when it was clear we would have to check into the hospital. I had a mindset that they weren’t going to listen to me, and they would force a C-section on me. However, they were very open to what we wanted.

The original plan was for me to go to the hospital Tuesday night and be induced with the Foley bulb. If using the Foley bulb was successful at starting labor, I intended to go to the birth center for a natural birth. The Magnolia team supported that choice. After the induction started, Tamara and the Magnolia staff checked on me periodically.

There was so much fluid that my baby was floating, so she wasn’t naturally coming down onto my cervix to open it up. I was pretty upset. I had this vision that I had worked really hard for. I did everything I was supposed to do — eating cleanly and even practicing Hypnobirthing and being really strict with listening to it. I didn’t want my daughter to be born in a hospital. I had a vision of giving birth in a pool without any drugs or intervention, but here I was sitting in a hospital.

Na’imah, who had taught some of the classes I took at Magnolia, came to the hospital to visit me. I was in tears, feeling defeated, but she told me, “You worked so hard. You did everything right. You should be proud of yourself.” She stayed with us for a while, making sure I was comfortable, looking at the monitors, and talking to the nurse.

Eventually, I accepted that I was going to give birth to my baby in the hospital. I still wanted it to be as natural as possible, and I declined all medications. The Foley bulb did bring on some contractions, but they weren’t consistent. When the hospital staff removed it, I was 4-5 centimeters dilated. We were still hoping the baby would naturally put pressure onto my cervix.

The medical team was limiting cervical checks and didn’t want to do anything to break my water. They were worried about an arm or the cord coming out, which would be an emergency. During a couple contractions, the hospital staff started to notice on the monitors that the baby’s vitality was dropping. I had to be given oxygen.

On Thursday, Dr. Spence told us he had to leave and another doctor would be taking over. He said he would be back late Friday. At that point, I thought I would wait to deliver my baby until Dr. Spence came back. Late Thursday night, the new doctor said, “We’ve done everything we can, and we think we should give you Pitocin.” By that time, I was in a lot of pain. I had been having inconsistent contractions with back labor, and I was feeling a lot of pressure in my tailbone because of an old injury.

I felt extremely upset with myself. I hadn’t slept in two days, I was in so much pain, and all I wanted to do was take a nap because I was so tired. The medical team recommended an epidural, and I consented. After the epidural, I slept for a few hours.

After talking with the lactation consultant, we tried nipple stimulation to help intensify the contractions. The doctor talked to me and again suggested Pitocin. I was very still stuck on having Dr. Spence there for the delivery. I agreed to the Pitocin because I thought I would be fully dilated by the time Dr. Spence got back, and he would be able to catch the baby.

They gave me Pitocin, and I fell asleep. Around 4 a.m. Friday morning, a nurse came in, and I asked, “Did contractions pick up?” She said that less than 30 minutes after they started the Pitocin, the charge nurse saw my daughter’s vitality drop. They had turned off the Pitocin, and I had no idea because my husband and I were both asleep. I insisted that I didn’t want a C-section for no reason, and the nurse said, “We don’t automatically hand out C-sections. There has to be a reason.”

They kept trying to make me more comfortable, but at about 5 a.m., the doctor came in and told us. “Your daughter’s vitality is going down. You’re not dilating. You’re way past your due date. You need to have a C-section, and we can’t wait for Dr. Spence. We need to do this right now.”

Accepting a Completely Different Birth Than I Planned

At that point, I knew we had to do what we had to do. I wanted the best for my daughter. I was very tired and in a lot of pain. I had been at the hospital since Tuesday night. Everyone at Magnolia was still texting and communicating with me and my husband. We felt a lot of support. They said, “You did everything right. You did what you could.” The universe had played its own hand, and it was completely not what I envisioned. Still, I was scared with the baby’s vitality going down.

They prepped me very quickly for surgery and rolled me into the operating room. Many of the nurses who had taken care of me were there, and they were so nice. Dylan had to get ready separately, and I was so grateful he was there. He was a very loud advocate for me during the whole birth experience.

The doctor was a Black, Jamaican woman, and she was playing Gospel music in the OR, which I loved. It reflected what I want my daughter to be in her life — someone who loves different cultures, is open-hearted and open-minded, not a racist, a bigot, or homophobe. That music was different and unexpected, but I knew my daughter was being born into a multicultural environment. I was very thankful for that.

During the surgery, I was really numb and couldn’t move my arms or any part of my body. It wasn’t just a little pressure. It felt like someone was slicing me open, pushing and pulling — like my insides were being pulled out. I had so much water that there was a huge gush. Everyone’s shoes got soaked.

River was born at 7:22 a.m. December 13, 2019, weighing 8 pounds, 15 ounces. A NICU team was there to assess her, but she was healthy and beautiful. She cried right away, and when I heard that, I was so happy. The journey we had just gone on was scary, so to hear her was everything. They waited as long as possible to cut the cord and respected all of my requests, like declining the eye drops and the Hep B vaccine. While we were still in the OR, we did skin-to-skin, and River latched on immediately.

Recovering After Birth and Reflecting on My Experience

Dylan followed River to the nursery, and I went to recovery, where the nurses gave me pain medicine and got me cleaned up. Dylan had called Sauda, and she came to the hospital. Then, we went to a mother-baby room for a couple days. River got a reputation for being a tough cookie because she was always happy, even when the staff did the heel prick or weighed her. She was totally cool with all of it. All of her screenings were perfect.

After we left the hospital, I felt ill and started throwing up. I was in a lot of pain, but when I went back to the hospital, they kept telling me that was normal after a C-section and that it’s a very serious surgery. Tamara really fought for me to be properly taken care of. I eventually checked myself into a hospital in Fort Lauderdale, where I learned I had a UTI that had gone unnoticed and undiagnosed because I had just undergone an epidural and major surgery. That meant it was another week before I really started my recovery.

I’m very thankful for Magnolia and the way they provided education and advocated for me. They offer a loving space, and it doesn’t end at birth with them. I always felt comfortable and at home there. I also attended Footsteps, The Gathering Place’s postpartum support group, and it was so important to my recovery. Being a brand new, first-time mom, it helped me to know there was a safe space I could go.

Even though I didn’t have the typical Magnolia birth I envisioned, I still continuously felt like a part of the community there. During one of my postpartum visits to Magnolia after my daughter was born, I noticed that River’s name was on the felt board where they list the most recent births. It was a small gesture, but it meant so much to me. They said, “Of course, we put her up there! We wouldn’t have it any other way.”

There was a grieving period for me because I didn’t have the birth I wanted, but I experienced that at the hospital before River was born. Na’imah, Tamara, and Sauda really helped me overcome that grieving period of not having the birth I planned and prepared and fought for. The universe dealt its hand, and in the end, I have a healthy, beautiful baby. I’m so thankful for the support from Magnolia. Without them, I don’t think I would’ve been as mentally or emotionally sound as I was about the birth in the end.

The whole birth experience was me coming to terms with the fact that I can’t control everything in life. I was very prepared and worked hard to get the birth I wanted. But with the way life is, it takes its own course. It’s emotional to think about, but my daughter cured me. I haven’t had a vomiting episode ever since I got pregnant.

Now, I tell anyone who gets pregnant about Magnolia. The Magnolia team went above and beyond. They didn’t have to, but they did. I am forever grateful for what Tamara has put together.

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